a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Your cock deserves a montage
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
