i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
