we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
