Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
