i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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