You're my little dorito
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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