He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
