So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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