I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
