listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
