I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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