you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
