Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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