At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
