im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
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