guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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