I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
