He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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