sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
