If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
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