I got chris browned last night
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
