Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
