Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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