I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
