Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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