we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
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