Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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