And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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