Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
im six kinds of drunk right now
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
