I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
