I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize