I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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