Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
