my vag is so smooth its legendary
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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