***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Me too!
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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