She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
