Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
