I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
