Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Can I color on your dick again?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
