Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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