i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
