ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
