He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
