Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
