He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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