His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Randomize