We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
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