I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
