if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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