it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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