Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
