I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
you guys were way drunker than both of me
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
