I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Dear god my vagina.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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