Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
