Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
