Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
