I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize