I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
