i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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