I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
