I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
My day in three words: secret purse cake
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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