out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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