remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
