fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
