HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
