she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
