you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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