Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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